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What It Feels Like To Be Depressed

It's like I know something is off, but I can't put my finger on it until, it's like oh sh*t it's here! It's like a beautiful sense of denial, of no everything is fine, everything is okay and then a oh yea, it's happening again. There's a romantic nostalgia which is not warranted because sometimes it can be life or death.


It’s sort of a subtle feeling, comforting at first, like an old friend visiting or a warm blanket, but then my friend starts stealing my joy and my warm blanket starts suffocating me and choking me.


It's like a storm was brewing in Ohio and I could maybe feel the change in pressure in New Jersey but I didn't feel the winds until the storm hit the mainland! It starts creeping in like a mist which turns into a fog. The dense clouds start to settle in with plus or minus high heaven winds of anxiety. These two good old cousins like taking turns being first.


The funk is sort of fun at first but then it's hard to shake off. I know what to do to find some relief like watching the sunrise, going for a bike ride, playing the violin, drawing, painting, talking to a friend but I can’t seem to find the motivation to participate and all I can do is isolate. Everything is bleak and there’s no point. There’s despair and no hope. It’s hard to imagine feeling well again. Sometimes a numbness and apathy, not caring, senseless and other times it's a deep, deep heart-aching sadness. I am in a deep well and I can't see the light. It's lonely and dark. Nothing seems to help except for time and this too shall pass.


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