Mourning Winter: Climate Change Anxiety

Spring allergies came way too early

I'm still waiting for winter

Flurries, cotton balls, sleet, freezing rain

Snow plows

Snow days

I'm mourning today

Moving on

Skipping over

It never came

Not even delayed

Fall leaped into spring

Where's winter?

My seasonal depression was happier

but my climate existential anxiety is feeling crazed

And the time change came way too early

Tulips, daffodils, cherry blossoms

Green slopes waiting

Winter never came

We cannot even have a funeral for winter never arrived

Psychiatric Inpatient Poem

Rain brings flowers

Spring into leaps

Spontaneous impulses and speech

Blooming pressure

No need for sleep

With this special mission

This is the new coming of age

And it's turning

It's crowding into me

The deceptions, misinterpretations, the ideas of reference

The delusions

So fixed, they take hold, nothing can unhinge me from this reality

CIA, FBI, government tracking me

They are after me

Locked accounts

Bugging phones

Scared

Unsafe

Unkept

Scams and screams

It's crumbling down

Poisoning me

I left the dog out and broke the bathroom sink

Called the police

Wandering streets

PRNs

Haldol, Benadryl, Ativan, Thoriazine, Olanzapine

Restraints

These lights are blaring and everyone is checking up on me

Vital signs

Still alive

Blood draws

Still warm inside

The air is dense.

No circulation

No direct sunlight

Sensitive soul

Interrogations, asking me

Are you having thoughts of ending your life, killing yourself, not wanting to be alive?

Sometimes

Hearing voices?

Maybe

Seeing things that might not be there?

Barely

Bizarre, strange, out of the ordinary

This is me. This is me.

What is normal functioning?

Burning bridges

Want to fall off

But I want to leave

It's time for

On the clock

Round about

Ring the Alarm

It's time for meds.

what about time?

What about time?

Don't, don't don't touch me

Meds over objection protocol

Involuntarily here against my own will

Your Honor I remain under oath

Requesting continued commitment

Due to dangerousness to self, others and property

But there's no need to be here

This is one of my favorite songs written by Sylvan Esso. They were inspired by the story of Jamie, someone with Bipolar Disorder. She was featured on an episode of WNYC podcast Radiolab.

Transitioning from Residency to Private Practice: Poem

I forgot about you in the hustle and bustle

The coming out

Perplexed by the uncertainty

Just trying to find ground

Without projecting into the future

Always living 6 months from now

In a different time zone

Jet-lagged and insomniac-ed

How long will it take to fill?

It's just an exchange

For skillful healing

How will you know me without knowing me

Maybe it's not necessary

Recognition

Acknowledgement

I sit in that chair too

I'm one of you

You are one of me

Just a guide

Just walking together

Want to go for a stroll?

I'm letting you into my head

Hope you will find your own way out

It's so easy

It's so simple

To hide behind the fears

I'm trying to be that person

The person who is already in me

Unburdening

Looking for answers but there are only signs

Vermont, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, California

Australia, New Zealand, Japan

The loop

The sacrifice and the relief

The light

Just 4 more months

Then study

Then some freedom

I don't want to just jump in

Too fast

Want to take my time

Need a clear break

To recover and recuperate

To freshen up

To come back to life

To home

Yet financial insecurity is bringing anxiety

Can I just let go and surrender?

Can I just make peace with not knowing?

Can I become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

Big risks reap big rewards

Going out on my own

Because I'm not meant to sign a soulless contract on the dotted line

There are no dots, just cold lines, a straight and narrow

I'm not to meant to be in sterile attire

Anxiety floating into Just Relax: